Addictions and Recovery

Karen Hadley is the author of the 2018 post mentioned above, in which she addresses this issue, of addicts dismissing the idea that their drug habit may be harming the family members, friends, workplace associates, and even pets in their environment.

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There is both acute awareness and blinding denial in the statement, “Just leave me alone! I’m only hurting myself!”

There is awareness in the acknowledgement “I’m only hurting myself.” Unlike some addicts who might say, “I’m fine. You’re the problem,” here, the addict is acknowledging that consumption of the drug in question is, in fact, harmful.

Ms. Hadley then describes the ever-expanding circles of people affected by a person’s addiction:

• Spouses:  Spouses of both sexes suffer neglect and various types of abuse. An addicted person will manipulate a spouse so it’s possible to continue to use drugs or drink. Inquiries into where all the money went or why the job was lost will be deflected and the spouse will often be harshly criticized for failure to understand or support the addicted person. Of course, there’s many cases of terrible physical abuse, violence and even death.
• Children: The very best case scenario is that a child with an addicted parent will get less than that parent’s best attention and concern. At worst, there’s no way to measure the kind of tragic abuse and chronic neglect children suffer in a home when one or both parents are addicted. Not infrequently, children die when they are left in the care of a drug-using parent or caregiver.
• Friends: Very often, the same kind of love exists between friends as within a family. When an addicted person begins to lose his life to addiction, it hurts his close friends. Friends want so badly to help but may lack the powerful leverage family members have. Still, there are occasions when friends are the ones to help an individual decide to leave drugs behind in favor of a healthier, sober life.
• Pets: Loving animals in the home suffer neglect and abuse and may be poisoned by drugs left around the home. Animals, especially dogs, may find cannabis products around the home and need emergency veterinary care to save their lives. Animals may even be abused by implanting drugs in their bodies and then shipping them to another country.
• Employers: Those who are addicted struggle with declines in their responsibility and morality. They may steal from their employers, go missing for days or create a hostile work environment. There will be a higher number of work-related injuries and more damage to jobs and materials when some workers are impaired.
• Neighbors and the community at large: Some addicted people can stay high-functioning for quite a while, but addiction is going to eventually take a severe toll. As we’ve seen already, responsibility and morality are going to suffer. The shock waves from this damage can easily impact the person’s immediate neighborhood and even the whole community. Some addicted people must commit crimes to get money for the drugs they need. Other people drive while intoxicated or high. Social costs in the community go up as more people need medical support for drug-related illnesses or injuries or shelter due to homelessness. More children arrive in foster care. First responders are burdened by more calls to help those who overdose. And so on.

A case history: Matthew Perry

I. Fellow cast members of “Friends” were grief-stricken.

(From Wikipedia:) “Friends is an American television sitcom created by David Crane and Marta Kauffman, which aired on NBC from September 22, 1994, to May 6, 2004, lasting ten seasons… Friends received acclaim throughout its run, becoming one of the most popular television shows of all time.^[9] It is also one of the most successful and highest-grossing television shows of all time, having grossed an estimated $1.4 billion since its debut.^[10] The series was nominated for 62 Primetime Emmy Awards, winning the Outstanding Comedy Series award in 2002 for its eighth season.^[11] The show ranked no. 21 on TV Guide‘s 50 Greatest TV Shows of All Time,^[12] no. 29 on Variety magazine’s The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time.

On October 31, 2023, People magazine published the following statement from fellow cast members:

“We are all so utterly devastated by the loss of Matthew. We were more than just cast mates. There is so much to say, but right now we’re going to take a moment to grieve and process this unfathomable loss. In time we will say more, as and when we are able. For now, our thoughts and our love are with Matty’s family, his friends, and everyone who loved him around the world.”

Shortly afterwards, series co-creators Marta Kauffman and David Crane were joined by executive producer Kevin Bright in issuing a joint statement:

“We are shocked and deeply, deeply saddened by our beloved friend Matthew’s passing,” they wrote. “It still seems impossible. All we can say is that we feel blessed to have had him as part of our lives. He was a brilliant talent. It’s a cliche to say that an actor makes a role their own, but in Matthew’s case, there are no truer words. From the day we first heard him embody the role of Chandler Bing, there was no one else for us. We will always cherish the joy, the light, the blinding intelligence he brought to every moment — not just to his work, but in life as well. He was always the funniest person in the room. More than that, he was the sweetest, with a giving and selfless heart.” 

Morgan Fairchild, who played Chandler’s mother on the series, also shared her sadness at the actor’s death.

“I’m heartbroken about the untimely death of my ‘son’, Matthew Perry,” she wrote on Saturday, hours after news of Perry’s death broke. “The loss of such a brilliant young actor is a shock. I’m sending love & condolences to his friends & family, especially his dad, John Bennett Perry, who I worked with on Flamingo Road & Falcon Crest. #RIPMatthew”

Perry mentioned in his memoir Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing how the Friends cast supported him amid his struggles with substance abuse.

“They were understanding, and they were patient,” he said. “It’s like penguins. In nature, when one is sick or very injured, the other penguins surround it and prop it up and walk around until that penguin can walk on its own. And that’s kind of what the cast did for me.”

II. “His loved ones, who witnessed his drug and alcohol abuse for years, were heartbroken by what his mother later described as an unavoidable outcome.” (from October 28, 2024 — https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/matthew-perrys-family-speaks-one-year-death-always-proud-rcna177294) 

His mother, Suzanne Perry, knew about Matthew’s struggles with addiction when she said this: “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself, because it tears you up.”

Perry’s stepfather, “Dateline” correspondent Keith Morrison, said, “What he taught the world is that no amount of money will cure an addict.”

His younger sisters remember Perry constantly cracking jokes and making people laugh when they were young. “It was always a jubilant thing when he would come over,” his sister Caitlin Morrison recalled. “All he wanted was to love and to be loved,” Emily Morrison, another sister, added.

“Even when he was struggling in dark times, we were always proud of him,” Caitlin Morrison said. “We were always proud of the fact that he kept fighting and that he made it a big focus of his life to help other people.”

Caitlin Morrison helped spearhead the creation of the Matthew Perry Foundation and an in-patient facility. Its goal is to help overcome the stigma surrounding addiction disorders, promoting collaboration across communities and advocating for better treatment, according to the foundation’s website, which can be accessed at https://matthewperryfoundation.org/homepage/ .

P.S.: SAG Awards: Matthew Perry remembered during in Memoriam Tribute